Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
