eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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