YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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