ugly people sure do ruin things
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
