I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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