I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
