I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have post one night stand depression
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