Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drunk is not a location!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
