Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
