Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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