True but thats because hes a fetus.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
