i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
