My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
