if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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