I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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