and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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