Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize