No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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