Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
