You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
