I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
