the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
