I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
