duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
