Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
