When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
PANTIES FOUND
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
