I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
