youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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