YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
