I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am spending my child support on dildos
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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