...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
