Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
