I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
