Jerry, you need to find god
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
