nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
