I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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