cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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