New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
