I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
