drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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