Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
