First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
