She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
