so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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