OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm having to shit out rocks
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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