She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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