In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
