if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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