i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
