So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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