a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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