Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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