dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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