ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
