can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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