ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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