I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
wow bdsm is so cute
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
