don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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