mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
