never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
