I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
