Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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