people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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