dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
