ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
