He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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