You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize