I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
