3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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