So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The uberlube is also flammable
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
