If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
