we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
