i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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