Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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