I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
