I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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